Is this worth it?

I've just had without doubt the worst 24 hours in this whole experience. Last night I sparred with Jerome. Jerome is fighting as a heavyweight on the night and is probably 20kg heavier than me. I fought 3 rounds and got hit pretty hard on more than one occasion. My nose bled from the first round until the end of the fight and my legs could hardly move at the end of the session. Now, I realise I fought someone bigger and stronger than me but my issues are with me and not with Jerome. I should have jabbed and kept out of his way but I didn't, I stood there and took it.

After training I drove home and sat in the bath for far too long thinking things through. I then couldn't get the whole experience out of my head. I spent the whole night watching crap telly whilst pretending to try and sleep. At 4am I had, in my head, already decided that enough was enough and I didn't want to get up in front of all those people and get humiliated. I felt sick and I was ready to quit.

What's worse is that I knew my alarm would go off at 5.15 and suggest I get up and go to the gym. It's difficult to find anything positive from this experience. I did get to see an epsiode of Dr.90210 on telly in which a bloke who had an inverted penis had an operation that allowed him to consummate his marriage (he was a 49 year old virgin). However, as incredible as this was I'm afraid it did nothing to placate my anger and fear.

Thankfully I must have dosed off and when the alarm rang 45 minutes later I decided to get up, dress and drive to training. Richie was fantastic. I don't know whether he knew I'd be pissed off or if he just saw it in me. He, quite rightly, highlighted that I took some big punches from someone much, much bigger than me, I didn't stop coming forward and I lasted all 3 rounds. It made me feel so much better and began to rebuild my confidence. Even though I hadn't slept all night I had a decent training session and quitting disappeared from my mind. Richie won't be reading this but I'll make sure that when this is all over he realises the affect he had on me and on my mindset. For someone so unassuming he, and all of Zack's boys, are such interesting characters and I bet they don't know how much they are changing people around them.

I now want to see "that" Dr.90210 episode again. I feel I could do it more justice without Jerome's right hook replaying in my mind every second.....!